"Don't Quit Your Day Job" Records




Kazoo Tips

from Jim Foster


Melissa Mytinger and Jim Foster as the Kazoo Kowboy
(Photo Credit: Lorraine Battle)

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Kazooing Safety Rules:

  1. Never stick the kazoo up your nose.
  2. Do not inhale through the kazoo.
  3. In subfreezing temperatures, use ONLY plastic model kazoos, since a metal kazoo could become permanently affixed to lips and/or tongue.
  4. Use protective covering to keep your kazoo free of purse/pocket link or belly button fuzz.

Kazooist Safety/Health Rules:

  1. Prevent lip fatigue by adhering to short practice sessions, lengthening them only when your embrochure muscles have achieved schwartznegerian definition.
  2. To avoid cramping, chafing, and blistering, induce a North Carolina farmer to reveal the contents of the ointment they have used for generations to treat cows with chapped udders.
  3. Directly before an important performance (what kazoo player performance in unimportant?) the professional and courteous kazooist (and what kazooist is not courteous?) ABSTAINS from such substances as beer, chili, garlic or other dyspeptic foods UNLESS hiccoughing is a desired effect in the music.
  4. Directly post performance, the kazooist becomes - in all respects - a bon vivant indulging in a large array of food, beverages and types of social intercourse.

To Be a Kazooist:

Be on time... Be intense... Be full of breath... Be good to your leader.

Custom Kazoo Website

Jim didn't include this website in his instructions -- a friend found it later.

Does your kazoo reflect the real you? Kazoobie, Inc. will imprint your camera-ready art onto plastic kazoos.

More Kazoo Links

The Instruments website has links to more kazoo information on its Kazoos page.





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kazoo.htm -- Revised July 7, 2003
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